Prayer

I wish that I be aligned with your essence
So closely in spirit and mind
That I do not stray from the stream of light
Where I am effortlessly joyful and kind

I look to you, Dear God, when I am lost today
Lost in the networks of my mind
Lost in the mesh of past emotional energy
Where confusion and pain I find

I look to you God, because I know
Your acceptance is easier than mine
I know how unconditional your love is
And how easily you can make me shine

I look to you because I have faith
More faith in you than in myself
I look to you because you are infinite
Your grace overflowing beyond yourself

I look to you for strength in this minute
Even though I know you are in me
I look to you because when I do that
I can see more clearly, the source in me

I look to you, oh fountain of delight
I look to you, oh master of creation
I look to you, at, you, and with you,
Realizing that the rest is now illusion

Illusionary fears, Illusionary tears
Illusionary worries, Illusionary scurries
Illusions of the mind, illusions of the heart
Which when observed, begin to dissolve and depart.

Greeting my best friend

I came across this poem, 'Love After Love' by Derek Walcott, and I liked it so much I am sharing it here. Actually, the poem inspired me to stand in front of the mirrow and speak to myself as if I were my best friend....I was amazed at the things I said, and the powerfullness of the emotions that I felt.....It was a powerful, and wonderful and comforting and enjoyable experience.....try it for yourself and you will know.....

The time will come
when, with elation
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror
and each will smile at the other's welcome,

and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.

The day my typically stressful activities lost their punch!

My angels arrived again last night and enveloped me in their peace.....Sometimes I get weird thoughts like I don't deserve so much attention and blessings from angels and then I have to shake them away only to realize that it is only because of thoughts like these that I wasn’t soaking up all the bountiful blessings and gods infinite grace all these years......

Today morning, after I did my pranayama (yogic breathing), I saw my third eye clearly for the first time in my life- Magical, alive, surrounded with love and light and overflowing with loving kindness. Yup! , this should be a big day, big thing for me.....but strangely I am not surprised with all the miracles unfolding recently. It feels but only natural .....and my happiness of seeing and being with my open third eye for some time is much diffused with my generic happiness with life and with being. I received clarity from this third eye of a holiday booking that I had been unduly stressing about, and I also got clarity on why really this holiday planning activity was stressing me at un-understandably high levels. I understood consciously what I have always known about ‘communing with nature’ being a key component of my personal mission and life’s work. I realized that by pushing this strong desire (to organize and participate in natural camps and programs in outdoor surroundings with a focus on communing with nature), aside and away year after year I had built up this very powerful ball of resentment and frustration within me, and that this ball of energy surfaced whenever I touched on the topics related with ‘opportunities to commune with nature’. This is why I was getting so swept up in the whirlwind of positive and negative emotions of desire, fear, apprehension and resentment each time I tried to plan a holiday. There was no way out….I had to roll up my sleeves at some point and jump in to start addressing this life’s calling. That was the best and most wise outlet for this huge ball of energy…………so I got up and went and signed up for a family camp in the wild. It’s just a start but it is in close alignment to what I would want to be organizing by myself sometime in the future so I was intuited by my angels and third eye that it was a good first step to take. Once I did this, I felt free to go on with booking a second holiday which was a simple holiday for my extended family, and I did not feel the need to incorporate and deal with all my strong energies related to picking, ‘the perfect natural surrounding’….etc. which had been interfering with allowing me to plan and book the holiday. Today has been a landmark achievement for me. It might seem very simple to some others but I have done a ton of things I normally get very stressed about (without stressing at all). Footwear shopping (something I tend to put off for years), lunch with a colleague (if you knew me you would know how I typically dread social lunches), and holiday booking ( my biggest challenge in life in the last several years)! Wow…three consecutive successful hits!.....and the day is only getting better with each passing hour….

I am grateful for having such a wonderful day.......
I am grateful for feeling the presence of my angels so distinctly today
I am grateful for love and for life
I am grateful for making the holiday booking with such confidence
I am grateful for being nice to Gang and taking him to lunch and I am grateful we had such a good time at it and I'm grateful my angels came along as well
I am grateful for keeping my commitment
I am grateful for acting like an angel myself
I am grateful for the booking agent who was so sweet and helpful (like an angel)....such a pleasant and stress less experience it was....
I am grateful for my angels coming shopping with me and intuitively leading me to spot and try these amazing running shoes and comfortable and pretty sandals that were at a reduced price ....I am so so amazed because shopping has never been so easy and stress less for me especially shoe shopping.....:-)
I am grateful for my angels around me and for being able to allow the angel within me to surface....

It’s such a nice feeling to give myself the permission to be nice and happy and to actually catch myself being genuinely nice to others for a change and to see myself choosing to be happy as a default state, moment by moment....
Sending my lovely readers much love and much hugs......go be happy and free....today and EVERYDAY! :-)

Angel visits

I am making leaps and bounds towards being more and more an angel myself the more I
invite angels to my home. Like a friend remarked, more joy, fun, and
laughter....not to mention all the positive energy surrounding the
wishes I make each time and the miracles that unfold with regard to
the wishes. I am sorry I have not been able to write and share these
miracles and experiences,...because the pace of miracles and wondrous
things is blowing me away! I am just so busy soaking it all up and
going with the flow....keeping pace with the current and all the
wonderful things I'm being motivated to do......is about all I manage
to.......:-). I feel weird because I used to really like to be able to
spell out and write about each wondrous insight, event, or
miracle.....but here I am just being blown and flown
away.....:-).....my insides being churned and cleansed......and so
much grace pouring into my being!

My Father's house

Today morning as I got down from the bus and walked towards my school I felt this overwhelming sense of belonging and freedom. I felt like a child walking gleefully free in a huge palace with the joy and abandon of knowing that the palace belonged to my father. I realized then that indeed this was the case. My wonderful source , my creator, my sustainer, my beloved is like a father.....(in fact my source is even more than a father, mother, teacher, friend, lover and child all rolled into one....), and this entire world belongs to my source, is the essence of my source, and so it must have been only so natural for me to have felt such gleeful abandon and joy to strut around the streets and creations of this universe. The angels hovering around me confirmed this understanding of the wonderful feeling I experienced, and even as I type this the residue of that gleeful abandon still lingers in my experience of being me....:-) ...

much love to you dear reader... and have a great day.....:-)

I give myself the permission to....

On saturday night I welcomed Angels into my house, and I asked for their help in certain areas of my life. As I meditated on these areas, I was guided intuitively through a series of affirmations to make to myself. What surprised me about these affirmations was that they all started with the words, 'I give myself the permission to.......'. For example one of the areas I had asked for help was regarding the healing of a certain close relationship which had been giving me a lot of pain. In relevance to this relationship, I was guided to make affirmations like, 'I give myself the permission to be happy', 'I give myself the permission to have a successful ,' I give myself the permission to be a good . As I made and meditated on these affirmations I sensed quite some heavy energy in myself that was loosening up as a result. I also became aware of the strength of the resistance I was holding in my energy body and mind about allowing myself to 'be happy', 'have a good relationship' etc. I was quite surprised because I thought it was obvious that I had been wanting this for a long time which is precisely why I was unhappy at not having a good relationship, but my energy awareness during these affirmations indicated quite the opposite. I was holding a belief within me that I was not entitled to 'be happy', 'have a good relationship, etc.

As I kept up with mentally repeating the affirmations I was being intuited to, the focus went from more obvious to less obvious resistances I was holding within me. For example, after a while I found myself affirming statements like,'I give myself the permission to be nice', 'I give myself the permission to be kind', 'I give myself the permission to be generous', 'I give myself the permission to be caring', 'I give myself the permission to be selfless', 'I give myself the permission to be helpful', 'I give myself the permission to be sweet', etc. While repeating these latter forms of affirmations, although I was aware of the relevance of these statements in the particular context of the painful relationship I had initially asked for help on, I was simultaneously aware of the more generic thread of resistance related to each of these good qualities that I was holding with me. It almost seems weird that in crafting my self-identity, I had denied myself the permission to be nice, kind, selfless, generous or sweet. Yet, that is the reality of the programmed belief that I became aware of as I began to sense its presence in my energy body. Some of these patterns were more strong, and some relatively weak, but yes I had to consciously GIVE myself permission to BE NICE, KIND, GENEROUS, HELPFUL, SWEET etc. It was a very moving and tender experience for me. As I went deeper and deeper into the affirmations I felt more and more upbeat and joyful and excited about what was happening. I also felt more I felt more vulnerable and open and exposed but not in a bad way. I felt the gleefully liberating freedom of allowing myself to indulge in something, that I had been prevented from doing for a long time. I felt like a man who had never cried because it was supposed to be unmanly, might have felt when he finally let himself cry.

As I went through the awareness of the feelings associated with each of these many restrictions I had placed on myself I could sometimes also sense simultaneously the sources associated with some of these restrictions. Some of them were related to fears associated with being taken advantage of, some were directly associated with statements I had heard from various grownups when I was a child, and some were associated with strongly judgmental views that I had held or expressed in my past about other people who had embodied these particular qualities. As I consciously gave myself the permission to be 'nice', 'generous', 'sweet', etc. I had to also forgiving myself and all the concerned people in the past who had contributed to creating these restrictions in my identity regarding embodying and displaying these qualities. I had to forgive myself for labeling and judging others who had been 'too nice', 'too selfless', and 'too happy',........and for having criticized such people in the past.

On the whole it was an extremely liberating and uplifting exercise and it made me see how much there was which I myself could give myself to facilitate the healing of this relationship that was giving me pain. I was amazed that al of these affirmations were related to my own beliefs and none were really related to expectations of how the other concerned person should behave. After I came out of the meditation I continued to remember some of these affirmations every time a disturbing thought about the painful relationship came to my mind, and to the extent I managed to really mean the affirmation, I did experience relief from the pain of the situation. I have been trying to practice this 'niceness', 'sweetness', 'lovingness' etc., and it is a very interesting experience to feel the inner resistance towards letting these qualities surface in the context of the painful relationship. I am acutely aware of how much further I have to go in taking complete responsibility for my life experiences including this particular relationship, but I am also extremely grateful to have been made aware of just how much resistance I am myself harboring and how I have the power to give myself the permission to break down these resistances.

It is thursday now, and so it has been almost 5 days of giving myself permission to do the actions and receive the blessings associated with making my wishes and dreams come true. I can only say a big thank you this point to my angels for lovingly putting into my heads this new form of affirmation that i had not used before. It is just so so right for me at this point in time and indeed it with loving power that I now give myself the permission to be happy and cheerful, helpful and sweet, patient and compassionate, carefree and buoyant, several times each day. I give myself the permission to let go of the bottom of the riverbed and flow with the current downstream each time I find myself struggling trying to go upstream. I give myself the permission to stop, pause and take 3 deep breaths, every time i think i need to make that whining phone call to complain about what didn't go the way I thought it should. I give myself the permission to look to my source again and again, a million times if necessary to reconnect with that spark of divinity. I give myself the permission to know I'm divine and BE divine, and not believe in the sayings of those who have taught me to believe I'm helpless. I give myself the permission to break out of the roles i have typecast myself in, to break out of the pictures and portraits of myself that my family and friends and me have collectively painted of me. I give myself the permission to be whole and complete, fresh and divine, with each new breath I take. I give myself the permission to be happy irrespective of what emotion I think the others in my life will find most palatable for me to display!
I give myself the permission to be happy and free!

May all be happy...

Wow! today's been really full, and I havent really got to the computer at all. Now I need to rush again, but I do want to be consistent in posting and so just now, as I type, I am tuning into my source and allowing the lovely source energy to fill my being. I am practicing self kindness and love and I am affirming to myself in the presence of my source:
May I be Happy
May I be healthy
May I be Peaceful
May I be Free!

May my son be happy
May my son be healthy
May my son be peaceful
May my son be free

May my husband be happy
May my husband be healthy
May my husband be peaceful
May my husband be free

May whoever reads this post be happy
May whoever reads this post be healthy
May whoever reads this post be peaceful
May whoever reads this post be free

May All be happy
May All be healthy
May all be peaceful
May all be free.......

:-) With Love.......Have a great day today!