As I kept up with mentally repeating the affirmations I was being intuited to, the focus went from more obvious to less obvious resistances I was holding within me. For example, after a while I found myself affirming statements like,'I give myself the permission to be nice', 'I give myself the permission to be kind', 'I give myself the permission to be generous', 'I give myself the permission to be caring', 'I give myself the permission to be selfless', 'I give myself the permission to be helpful', 'I give myself the permission to be sweet', etc. While repeating these latter forms of affirmations, although I was aware of the relevance of these statements in the particular context of the painful relationship I had initially asked for help on, I was simultaneously aware of the more generic thread of resistance related to each of these good qualities that I was holding with me. It almost seems weird that in crafting my self-identity, I had denied myself the permission to be nice, kind, selfless, generous or sweet. Yet, that is the reality of the programmed belief that I became aware of as I began to sense its presence in my energy body. Some of these patterns were more strong, and some relatively weak, but yes I had to consciously GIVE myself permission to BE NICE, KIND, GENEROUS, HELPFUL, SWEET etc. It was a very moving and tender experience for me. As I went deeper and deeper into the affirmations I felt more and more upbeat and joyful and excited about what was happening. I also felt more I felt more vulnerable and open and exposed but not in a bad way. I felt the gleefully liberating freedom of allowing myself to indulge in something, that I had been prevented from doing for a long time. I felt like a man who had never cried because it was supposed to be unmanly, might have felt when he finally let himself cry.
As I went through the awareness of the feelings associated with each of these many restrictions I had placed on myself I could sometimes also sense simultaneously the sources associated with some of these restrictions. Some of them were related to fears associated with being taken advantage of, some were directly associated with statements I had heard from various grownups when I was a child, and some were associated with strongly judgmental views that I had held or expressed in my past about other people who had embodied these particular qualities. As I consciously gave myself the permission to be 'nice', 'generous', 'sweet', etc. I had to also forgiving myself and all the concerned people in the past who had contributed to creating these restrictions in my identity regarding embodying and displaying these qualities. I had to forgive myself for labeling and judging others who had been 'too nice', 'too selfless', and 'too happy',........and for having criticized such people in the past.
On the whole it was an extremely liberating and uplifting exercise and it made me see how much there was which I myself could give myself to facilitate the healing of this relationship that was giving me pain. I was amazed that al of these affirmations were related to my own beliefs and none were really related to expectations of how the other concerned person should behave. After I came out of the meditation I continued to remember some of these affirmations every time a disturbing thought about the painful relationship came to my mind, and to the extent I managed to really mean the affirmation, I did experience relief from the pain of the situation. I have been trying to practice this 'niceness', 'sweetness', 'lovingness' etc., and it is a very interesting experience to feel the inner resistance towards letting these qualities surface in the context of the painful relationship. I am acutely aware of how much further I have to go in taking complete responsibility for my life experiences including this particular relationship, but I am also extremely grateful to have been made aware of just how much resistance I am myself harboring and how I have the power to give myself the permission to break down these resistances.
It is thursday now, and so it has been almost 5 days of giving myself permission to do the actions and receive the blessings associated with making my wishes and dreams come true. I can only say a big thank you this point to my angels for lovingly putting into my heads this new form of affirmation that i had not used before. It is just so so right for me at this point in time and indeed it with loving power that I now give myself the permission to be happy and cheerful, helpful and sweet, patient and compassionate, carefree and buoyant, several times each day. I give myself the permission to let go of the bottom of the riverbed and flow with the current downstream each time I find myself struggling trying to go upstream. I give myself the permission to stop, pause and take 3 deep breaths, every time i think i need to make that whining phone call to complain about what didn't go the way I thought it should. I give myself the permission to look to my source again and again, a million times if necessary to reconnect with that spark of divinity. I give myself the permission to know I'm divine and BE divine, and not believe in the sayings of those who have taught me to believe I'm helpless. I give myself the permission to break out of the roles i have typecast myself in, to break out of the pictures and portraits of myself that my family and friends and me have collectively painted of me. I give myself the permission to be whole and complete, fresh and divine, with each new breath I take. I give myself the permission to be happy irrespective of what emotion I think the others in my life will find most palatable for me to display!
I give myself the permission to be happy and free!
No comments:
Post a Comment