Greeting my best friend

I came across this poem, 'Love After Love' by Derek Walcott, and I liked it so much I am sharing it here. Actually, the poem inspired me to stand in front of the mirrow and speak to myself as if I were my best friend....I was amazed at the things I said, and the powerfullness of the emotions that I felt.....It was a powerful, and wonderful and comforting and enjoyable experience.....try it for yourself and you will know.....

The time will come
when, with elation
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror
and each will smile at the other's welcome,

and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.

The day my typically stressful activities lost their punch!

My angels arrived again last night and enveloped me in their peace.....Sometimes I get weird thoughts like I don't deserve so much attention and blessings from angels and then I have to shake them away only to realize that it is only because of thoughts like these that I wasn’t soaking up all the bountiful blessings and gods infinite grace all these years......

Today morning, after I did my pranayama (yogic breathing), I saw my third eye clearly for the first time in my life- Magical, alive, surrounded with love and light and overflowing with loving kindness. Yup! , this should be a big day, big thing for me.....but strangely I am not surprised with all the miracles unfolding recently. It feels but only natural .....and my happiness of seeing and being with my open third eye for some time is much diffused with my generic happiness with life and with being. I received clarity from this third eye of a holiday booking that I had been unduly stressing about, and I also got clarity on why really this holiday planning activity was stressing me at un-understandably high levels. I understood consciously what I have always known about ‘communing with nature’ being a key component of my personal mission and life’s work. I realized that by pushing this strong desire (to organize and participate in natural camps and programs in outdoor surroundings with a focus on communing with nature), aside and away year after year I had built up this very powerful ball of resentment and frustration within me, and that this ball of energy surfaced whenever I touched on the topics related with ‘opportunities to commune with nature’. This is why I was getting so swept up in the whirlwind of positive and negative emotions of desire, fear, apprehension and resentment each time I tried to plan a holiday. There was no way out….I had to roll up my sleeves at some point and jump in to start addressing this life’s calling. That was the best and most wise outlet for this huge ball of energy…………so I got up and went and signed up for a family camp in the wild. It’s just a start but it is in close alignment to what I would want to be organizing by myself sometime in the future so I was intuited by my angels and third eye that it was a good first step to take. Once I did this, I felt free to go on with booking a second holiday which was a simple holiday for my extended family, and I did not feel the need to incorporate and deal with all my strong energies related to picking, ‘the perfect natural surrounding’….etc. which had been interfering with allowing me to plan and book the holiday. Today has been a landmark achievement for me. It might seem very simple to some others but I have done a ton of things I normally get very stressed about (without stressing at all). Footwear shopping (something I tend to put off for years), lunch with a colleague (if you knew me you would know how I typically dread social lunches), and holiday booking ( my biggest challenge in life in the last several years)! Wow…three consecutive successful hits!.....and the day is only getting better with each passing hour….

I am grateful for having such a wonderful day.......
I am grateful for feeling the presence of my angels so distinctly today
I am grateful for love and for life
I am grateful for making the holiday booking with such confidence
I am grateful for being nice to Gang and taking him to lunch and I am grateful we had such a good time at it and I'm grateful my angels came along as well
I am grateful for keeping my commitment
I am grateful for acting like an angel myself
I am grateful for the booking agent who was so sweet and helpful (like an angel)....such a pleasant and stress less experience it was....
I am grateful for my angels coming shopping with me and intuitively leading me to spot and try these amazing running shoes and comfortable and pretty sandals that were at a reduced price ....I am so so amazed because shopping has never been so easy and stress less for me especially shoe shopping.....:-)
I am grateful for my angels around me and for being able to allow the angel within me to surface....

It’s such a nice feeling to give myself the permission to be nice and happy and to actually catch myself being genuinely nice to others for a change and to see myself choosing to be happy as a default state, moment by moment....
Sending my lovely readers much love and much hugs......go be happy and free....today and EVERYDAY! :-)

Angel visits

I am making leaps and bounds towards being more and more an angel myself the more I
invite angels to my home. Like a friend remarked, more joy, fun, and
laughter....not to mention all the positive energy surrounding the
wishes I make each time and the miracles that unfold with regard to
the wishes. I am sorry I have not been able to write and share these
miracles and experiences,...because the pace of miracles and wondrous
things is blowing me away! I am just so busy soaking it all up and
going with the flow....keeping pace with the current and all the
wonderful things I'm being motivated to do......is about all I manage
to.......:-). I feel weird because I used to really like to be able to
spell out and write about each wondrous insight, event, or
miracle.....but here I am just being blown and flown
away.....:-).....my insides being churned and cleansed......and so
much grace pouring into my being!

My Father's house

Today morning as I got down from the bus and walked towards my school I felt this overwhelming sense of belonging and freedom. I felt like a child walking gleefully free in a huge palace with the joy and abandon of knowing that the palace belonged to my father. I realized then that indeed this was the case. My wonderful source , my creator, my sustainer, my beloved is like a father.....(in fact my source is even more than a father, mother, teacher, friend, lover and child all rolled into one....), and this entire world belongs to my source, is the essence of my source, and so it must have been only so natural for me to have felt such gleeful abandon and joy to strut around the streets and creations of this universe. The angels hovering around me confirmed this understanding of the wonderful feeling I experienced, and even as I type this the residue of that gleeful abandon still lingers in my experience of being me....:-) ...

much love to you dear reader... and have a great day.....:-)

I give myself the permission to....

On saturday night I welcomed Angels into my house, and I asked for their help in certain areas of my life. As I meditated on these areas, I was guided intuitively through a series of affirmations to make to myself. What surprised me about these affirmations was that they all started with the words, 'I give myself the permission to.......'. For example one of the areas I had asked for help was regarding the healing of a certain close relationship which had been giving me a lot of pain. In relevance to this relationship, I was guided to make affirmations like, 'I give myself the permission to be happy', 'I give myself the permission to have a successful ,' I give myself the permission to be a good . As I made and meditated on these affirmations I sensed quite some heavy energy in myself that was loosening up as a result. I also became aware of the strength of the resistance I was holding in my energy body and mind about allowing myself to 'be happy', 'have a good relationship' etc. I was quite surprised because I thought it was obvious that I had been wanting this for a long time which is precisely why I was unhappy at not having a good relationship, but my energy awareness during these affirmations indicated quite the opposite. I was holding a belief within me that I was not entitled to 'be happy', 'have a good relationship, etc.

As I kept up with mentally repeating the affirmations I was being intuited to, the focus went from more obvious to less obvious resistances I was holding within me. For example, after a while I found myself affirming statements like,'I give myself the permission to be nice', 'I give myself the permission to be kind', 'I give myself the permission to be generous', 'I give myself the permission to be caring', 'I give myself the permission to be selfless', 'I give myself the permission to be helpful', 'I give myself the permission to be sweet', etc. While repeating these latter forms of affirmations, although I was aware of the relevance of these statements in the particular context of the painful relationship I had initially asked for help on, I was simultaneously aware of the more generic thread of resistance related to each of these good qualities that I was holding with me. It almost seems weird that in crafting my self-identity, I had denied myself the permission to be nice, kind, selfless, generous or sweet. Yet, that is the reality of the programmed belief that I became aware of as I began to sense its presence in my energy body. Some of these patterns were more strong, and some relatively weak, but yes I had to consciously GIVE myself permission to BE NICE, KIND, GENEROUS, HELPFUL, SWEET etc. It was a very moving and tender experience for me. As I went deeper and deeper into the affirmations I felt more and more upbeat and joyful and excited about what was happening. I also felt more I felt more vulnerable and open and exposed but not in a bad way. I felt the gleefully liberating freedom of allowing myself to indulge in something, that I had been prevented from doing for a long time. I felt like a man who had never cried because it was supposed to be unmanly, might have felt when he finally let himself cry.

As I went through the awareness of the feelings associated with each of these many restrictions I had placed on myself I could sometimes also sense simultaneously the sources associated with some of these restrictions. Some of them were related to fears associated with being taken advantage of, some were directly associated with statements I had heard from various grownups when I was a child, and some were associated with strongly judgmental views that I had held or expressed in my past about other people who had embodied these particular qualities. As I consciously gave myself the permission to be 'nice', 'generous', 'sweet', etc. I had to also forgiving myself and all the concerned people in the past who had contributed to creating these restrictions in my identity regarding embodying and displaying these qualities. I had to forgive myself for labeling and judging others who had been 'too nice', 'too selfless', and 'too happy',........and for having criticized such people in the past.

On the whole it was an extremely liberating and uplifting exercise and it made me see how much there was which I myself could give myself to facilitate the healing of this relationship that was giving me pain. I was amazed that al of these affirmations were related to my own beliefs and none were really related to expectations of how the other concerned person should behave. After I came out of the meditation I continued to remember some of these affirmations every time a disturbing thought about the painful relationship came to my mind, and to the extent I managed to really mean the affirmation, I did experience relief from the pain of the situation. I have been trying to practice this 'niceness', 'sweetness', 'lovingness' etc., and it is a very interesting experience to feel the inner resistance towards letting these qualities surface in the context of the painful relationship. I am acutely aware of how much further I have to go in taking complete responsibility for my life experiences including this particular relationship, but I am also extremely grateful to have been made aware of just how much resistance I am myself harboring and how I have the power to give myself the permission to break down these resistances.

It is thursday now, and so it has been almost 5 days of giving myself permission to do the actions and receive the blessings associated with making my wishes and dreams come true. I can only say a big thank you this point to my angels for lovingly putting into my heads this new form of affirmation that i had not used before. It is just so so right for me at this point in time and indeed it with loving power that I now give myself the permission to be happy and cheerful, helpful and sweet, patient and compassionate, carefree and buoyant, several times each day. I give myself the permission to let go of the bottom of the riverbed and flow with the current downstream each time I find myself struggling trying to go upstream. I give myself the permission to stop, pause and take 3 deep breaths, every time i think i need to make that whining phone call to complain about what didn't go the way I thought it should. I give myself the permission to look to my source again and again, a million times if necessary to reconnect with that spark of divinity. I give myself the permission to know I'm divine and BE divine, and not believe in the sayings of those who have taught me to believe I'm helpless. I give myself the permission to break out of the roles i have typecast myself in, to break out of the pictures and portraits of myself that my family and friends and me have collectively painted of me. I give myself the permission to be whole and complete, fresh and divine, with each new breath I take. I give myself the permission to be happy irrespective of what emotion I think the others in my life will find most palatable for me to display!
I give myself the permission to be happy and free!

May all be happy...

Wow! today's been really full, and I havent really got to the computer at all. Now I need to rush again, but I do want to be consistent in posting and so just now, as I type, I am tuning into my source and allowing the lovely source energy to fill my being. I am practicing self kindness and love and I am affirming to myself in the presence of my source:
May I be Happy
May I be healthy
May I be Peaceful
May I be Free!

May my son be happy
May my son be healthy
May my son be peaceful
May my son be free

May my husband be happy
May my husband be healthy
May my husband be peaceful
May my husband be free

May whoever reads this post be happy
May whoever reads this post be healthy
May whoever reads this post be peaceful
May whoever reads this post be free

May All be happy
May All be healthy
May all be peaceful
May all be free.......

:-) With Love.......Have a great day today!

Dont complain: Just Leave, Change or Accept

Today morning I was feeling grumpy, irritated, and angry even about a situation in my personal life. My mind chatter was going along the lines of : 'Oh how long can I put up with this, so and so did this again, oh I cant take it any more, etc.. (I was mentally complaining about a certain other person and conjuring the stories of complaint that I could tell others about this person.

Then as I often do when feeling out of sorts I picked up a book, and today it was once again, Eckhart Tolle's 'Power of Now'. I closed my eyes and asked for intuitive guidance from my source to the problem at hand and I came upon a page where Tolle's advice was that if one is really unhappy with some situation we have only 3 choices: leave the situation, change it, or accept it. But whichever option we choose we need to do it whole heartedly and to whatever extent possible with a positive attitude and without negativity. Complaining achieves non of these...and is a really useless negative state to be in. There was a line which went something like, 'by no means let your inner state remain negative and polluted'. So if the decision is made to leave the situation, then do that with a positive focus on where you want to go, what you want rather than remaining stuck in thinking about what you want to leave behind. If the decision is made to change, then again do that with a positive focus on what new state you want to change it to. If the decision is made to accept the situation, then just accept it totally so that we don't give any resistance to the what is: this we need to do with complete surrender, and then the situation can no longer irritate us.

I was wondering which of the 3 options I should adopt with regard to the current problem and as I thought through each one I realized that I was not ready to leave this particular situation (at least at this point in time). I did not have the ability or know-how to change the situation because it was really about another person's habits. My only option at this point was really to surrender...... and I made this decision and kept reading the book. I came to another line which where Tolle poses the question, "what if anything, is wrong with the present moment"?

This was my moment of shift this morning. As I reflected on this question,and searched my mind for what was wrong, each thought that came up was either a regret about the past or a fear about the future. I really really could not find ANYTHING wrong with the present moment. It was perfect.....! My face burst into a smile and as I soaked in the perfection of the moment, I let my awareness gradually move outward from just me and my experience of this moment to my home, my son, this other person, my work, my schedule for the day etc. and each thing that entered my thought field was now clothed with joy and perfection,.... and a surge of gratitude swept through me. The same conference I had been so stressed about last night now appeared as a wonderful opportunity to have fun, the sense of a parenting burden was now a joyful appreciation of being blessed with a wonderful child, and so forth,... and finally when I thought of this person, whom I had earlier been really irritated with, I could only recollect certain nice qualities about him. Amused and happy, I went out of the bathroom (where I had been reading) to greet my wonderful world and the joyful day that was blessed with opportunities. Needless to say, I had a great day,....and this other person has been an amazing person in my life today as well! What is this magic that descended on my day today? I only have gratitude and appreciation, for the universe, my loving source, the wonderful book by Tolle, all the books and teachers who have motivated me to turn to my source and my intuition, and finally for me...because I chose to look within in that moment of distress and complaining. :-)

Love and Hugs!

A Tribute to the Magic of Gratitude

Why would I start my workday without spending that precious minute expressing gratitude for all the wonderful things that IS there RIGHT NOW and all the lovely things that have happened so far? Why would I not want to drink to my full from the fountain of oneness and love, before I start to express into external form the divinity which is inside of me - since that is what my work is about anyway!

THANK YOU UNIVERSE for this wonderful day
For all the love that is coming my way

Thank you universe for this amazing morning
That blended divinity with human yearning

Thank you universe for the flowers that bloom
And dissipate the slightest suggestions of gloom

Thank you universe for this perfect peace
And even for the bus driver who was a perfect tease

That driver made me Remember, who I could be
If I only took back my control of Me!

Thank you universe for the messages you send
For all the love with which my garden you tend

I believe that YOU have a plan

Beautiful friends,....I'm sharing a personal update once again, because I believe that faith can really transform every one of our experiences like it has done for my today.....

this can be sung in the tune of 'I believe i can touch the sky...'...:-)

I believe that YOU have a plan
You know more than any man
I believe YOUR PLAN is right for me
YOU can see more than I can see

I believe YOU have made the world
I believe in YOUR every word
I believe my life is perfect now
Though only you know, exactly how

I believe that YOU are divine
I believe I am perfectly fine
For I believe that I have in me
YOUR essence from which I came to be

I believe all is well around
I believe YOUR love is all abound
Every moment I can choose to see
YOUR truth, inside of me

I believe in your gorgeous plan
That is perfect for every man
I believe that You are also me
If I only choose to see.....

I believe that YOU have a plan.....and it goes on till you really start believing it ..:-)!

So this is the song I made up and sang on my way to school.....you get the idea I guess............. I was taken by surprise yesterday initially when a certain someone sprang an unexpected surprise on me that would drastically effect some of my plans and I did not respond in a skilful way initially. I let my thoughts and attention go onto someone else who sprang the shock on me, and her plans, and her schemes, and her logic, and her psychology.... ....
only to realize today that that is not the vibration I want to get sucked into at all. What the heck does it matter....I can never ever through mind and logic achieve anything I want to from her :-). Instead by moving into that zone I lose my cheerfulness and positive ambitions and my mind got occupied with judging and criticizing instead of staying on the goals I want to achieve in this lifetime. Luckily, my Source / God, showed me my folly and I am now re-focussed on my own goals.

I also got a message from my source that as I move in my chosen directions, people and situations which are at different vibrations not relevant to my pursuit will begin to fall away from my life...because things that don’t match vibrationally will not be able to stay in each other’s presence....and maybe this person going away is one such thing. Anyway, I don’t need to understand or justify why this event is also for the ultimate good. I believe it is for my and everyone else’s ultimate good out of my faith alone, for that is the beauty of faith. It can stand on its own with no need for any other justification. If I choose to believe in the magnanimity and wisdom of my source and the universe only when things are going according to what i can understand as 'good', what kind of faith is that. If my God is all pervasive and divine, He is always all pervasive and divine, and so I choose to have faith in my source ALWAYS.

Morning Gratitude

I am grateful for this morning,
I am grateful for my Mom in laws support and cheerfulness
I am grateful for the lovely trees and plants and creepers that grow along the paths that I walked and for the wonderful people who must have planted them and for the sun, rain, and wind that nurture them and for the people who look after these plants daily
I am grateful for this moment now
I am grateful for this vacant space in my awareness as I see and engage with everything around me knowing that all this is just a game
I am grateful for my wonderful Son, and all the joy he brings me day and night
I am grateful to God for giving me such a wonderful son
I am grateful for this computer, for GLOG, and for all these amazing resources that have come my way to make appreciating life and the things in life a daily habit
I am grateful for the fun I am having while doing it
I am grateful for being me, and I am grateful that I can appreciate myself with this warm feeling
I am grateful for breathing freely and smoothly
I am grateful for my thoughts and for the peaceful pauses in my thought streams
I am grateful for the wonderful sounds i hear and the soulful pauses of silence that touch my soul
I am grateful for the neverending mystery of life and its gradual and timely unfoldment in such a perfect way that it is exciting enough and challenging enough and enjoyable enough and stimulating enough that I remain alert and aware enough to continuously refine and manage my inner world so i remain more and more in that state of optimal life experience that can be described perhaps byt he word, 'flow' :-)

Love and light and thanks to ALL, and I really really mean ALL, for I cannot even pretend to believe I can ever count and realize how many things and people are orchestrating life's intricacies to make it so amazing for me.

So I thank you God, my source, and EVERYTHING and EVERYBODY's source for that is my shortcut way to that ALL that is! :-)
Love , love and more love!

Thank you God for ALWAYS being there

Thank You God that I can keep coming to you no matter what I'm thinking, and no matter how I'm feeling

Thank you God that my faith in you in so strong and incomparable that even my own thinking cannot prevent me from coming to you

Thank You God for being there ALWAYS and for speaking to me even when I am a half reluctant listener

Thank you God for accepting me as I am and guiding me to another route when you sense that I have blocked out my own listening receptivity

Thank you God for knowing me through and through, understanding me through and through, and loving me through and through!

A Vibrational shift through Gratitude

I am grateful for becoming aware of these ripples within myself

I am grateful for seeing what’s me, and also seeing that what I see is not necessarily me!

I am grateful for the awareness of this blur and sinking feeling even as its descending on me, because I realize that as I am becoming aware of its descent, I am escaping the possibility of that feeling taking me over

I am grateful for becoming aware that my breath is not free flowing, that it is a bit laborious and lumpy, because as I am becoming aware of my breathing I am also becoming aware of the connection between my breath and my mind and my inner state

I am grateful that I am becoming aware of the contrast between my inner state and the beautiful wonderful spring day outside, because the beauty outside is reflecting to me what my inner state can be if I only let go and allow it to be

I am grateful for the wonderful man I met on the way to school, who said, 'have a great day'

I am grateful for becoming aware of my heavy state energetically and realizing that this is not me, it need not really be me and that these emotions are borrowed emotions that I have picked up from others around

I am grateful for remembering that I only need to shift my focus from this heaviness and these 'other people' to re-focus on my source to bring back the light into my current experience.

I am grateful for knowing with such utter conviction that nobody but me is responsible for my inner state and nobody but me can truly shift my level of current vibration

I am grateful for making the resolve right now that I will fight all my lethargy and the excuses my mind is making and move myself physically to go and do my yoga and pranayama practice.

I am grateful for deciding that even if I feel sluggish and heavy, I will just accept myself the way I am and go to do my daily practice and connect with my source and let my sources light dissolve all of this.... ....with love

I am willing to let my source dissolve all of me with love
I am willing to let my source dissolve all of my ego with love
I am willing to let my source dissolve all of my excuses with love
I am willing to let my source dissolve all of my inertia with love
I am willing to let my source dissolve all of my resistance with love
I am willing to let my source dissolve all of my distractions with love
I am willing to let my source dissolve all of my illusions with love

Om Namah Shivaya!

Gratitude, Acceptance, Awareness, and Responsibility

I am grateful for the lovely insight and satori moment I had when I was coming to school

I am grateful for the amazing choice I am making each day to do my calling and life’s work BEFORE I sit to do my 'needful work'

I am grateful for all the amazing people in my family, Dadi, Mummy, Daddy, my grandparents, Amit, Siddharth, Kavitha

I am grateful for realizing that the amazingness of all these people is ONLY LIMITED by my ability to expect how AMAZING they are and are going to be in my life

I am grateful to be accepting the current limitations of my own ability to accept the amazingness of these people and I am also grateful for the liberty and freedom I am giving to myself to expect the people in my life to be more and more magnificent and amazing!

I am grateful for allowing and I am grateful for being

I am grateful for having read 2 great books in the bathroom and getting just the right messages for today

I am grateful to be going now to do my yoga and pranayama

I am grateful for taking my life into my own hands, for taking full responsibility for the way i spend my time , for the way i feel about things, for the state of my inner world, and for everything that happens in my life

I am grateful for God's vibrant and full blast presence in my AWARENESS every time I just choose to look up to him, and I am grateful for the underlying knowing that he is present and looking after me even when I am not actively looking up to him!

I am grateful for life, for living, and for growing! and for writing, ..and for GLOG, and for EVERYTHING!

Training the mind? Approaching the mind with love

Good Morning! Today, as I was sitting in the bus, I thought, ’hmmm….nothing to write about today, so when I get to school I’ll get on to my to-do list right away. And then my mind took off on a spin as I thought about my grandparents, my sons nursery, my husband, the trees, my work, etc. and a general and uninterestingly random stream of thoughts soon occupied my full attention. I snapped out of it suddenly when I had nearly reached my school. As I entered consciously into body awareness (like Eckart Tolle recommends), and I started smiling at the massive random roll my thoughts had just been on. I was reminded of the metaphors I had heard often on the workings of the mind, ‘The mind works like mad monkeys let loose’, ‘An untrained mind is like a mad elephant while a trained mind is like a trained elephant’, ‘Ones mind can be ones greatest enemy as well as ones greatest friend (Bhagvad Gita), etc. I thought of whether I was doing enough practice to train my mind or whether I was just assuming that it’s nature was basically dysfunctional and therefore was I shifting into body awareness merely to give myself a break from my mind’s chatter. I started wondering, if I could do something to use the mind effectively for my spiritual growth (as a helpful tool instead of just thinking of mental chatter as a nuisance).
As I got down from the bus I straightened my spine, and told my mind, hey…’I’m watching you now’, and for fun I visualized turning a torch on inside my head to watch out for the arising of the next thought’. I liked the using of this experiential metaphor, and the stillness that came with it. Me being playful me I started playing with exactly where I would like to visualize the torch shining within, and as I shifted the torch around I finally settled on the heart area and I felt an intuitive nudge to make it a torch of love and light both instead of merely light! Boom! This was my Satori moment for the day. I was flooded with an expansive feeling of love and knowing as a new insight dawned on me and I realized that so far whenever I became aware of my thoughts, it was as if the thoughts were an enemy, or at least something unwanted and dysfunctional that I had to rid myself of. I had to rid myself of the habit of these thought patterns that don’t serve me. Now, as I was shining both love and light together on my thoughts I saw, not a mad monkey, not a mad elephant, but an innocent and ignorant child, a playful harmless puppy. I still felt that my mind could use a lot of training, but not an intensive army rigour, just some loving presence, a cuddle maybe and a bit of acceptance. I would have to watch out and be alert still to catch the mind when it strays away, but not with a feeling of condemnation. Not an, ‘oh no there goes my terrible mind on its unwanted spree’, but a loving, ‘oh no little child, don’t you go running there’,….. and ‘I always love you, no matter what, but I’m not going to let you run that way!’. Maybe it’s the parent in me that has brought out this ability to see a possibility of a love infused disciplinary regime. In my youth I always associated discipline with rigour, and maybe that is why I had interpreted ‘training the mind’, as a somewhat harsh regime.
By the time I entered my school, my pace was quicker, my face was vibrant, and my insides were jumping with enthusiasm. I could not wait to get my hands on the keyboard, and I looked to my source and said, ‘You win again! And I’m glad you do! I just have to write this down before I start on that ‘to do list’ waiting on my desk’.

And It cant go out without a verse can it?

Love, Love and Love some more
Love is all that it ever takes
Just keep including love
For no mistake, love ever makes

Love , Love and Love some more
Love your enemy and your foe
Only love can bring him around
As a friend onto your door

Love, Love, and Love some more
Love with all your heart
And no matter what you’ve done before
It is never too late to start

Love, Love, and Love some more
Infuse your practice with love
For then your work will be done for you
By streaming grace from above

Love, Love and Love some more
Love the process and the act
Love is the light, love is the art
It is the essence of our divine pact

Following the Inner calling

I am grateful for the enthusiasm bubbling in me as I make the choice to start writing what I am being inspired to write before I open my mailbox or do anything else for the day

I am grateful for being the bold me who heeds her inner call to write and who is choosing this moment to not get fooled by the dysfunctions of the mind which is trying to put a million different reasons into my thinking as to why I really should be doing something else

I am grateful to the universe and to my source for allowing me this space and time and luxury of being able to put all my other obligations and distractions aside and Just write

I am grateful for the inner knowing that the more I do this (make choices in seemingly busy moments to sit down and write) the more easier it will get to do this effortlessly

I am grateful for finding such a deep inner calling such that although the initial choice to sit down and actually start typing is at present a difficult one, once I start the flow is effortless and I get more than enough assurance from the universe and from observing my own bubbling enthusiasm and inner state that THIS is JUST what I should be doing now

I am grateful for the knowing that if I don’t answer my calling and use my talents then I am doing myself a sort of injustice and I am not acknowledging and appreciating the talents my creator gave me and i would in fact be depreciating my talent as well as my entire being.....and through that my creator!

Body Awareness during Yoga and a dream aftermath

I am feeling compelled beyond myself to share two related experiences with you that occurred within the span of 2 days. A very brief background to both these experiences is that in the recent past (like the last 3 weeks), I have been practicing ‘inner body awareness’, as described by Eckhart Tolle in the book, ‘The Power of NOW’, pretty diligently. It has been quite an adventure, no doubt difficult to practice but with quite instant shifts in awareness. More on this later but now let me get to the two specific events I mentioned earlier.

The first experience was that I tried to become aware of my inner body during my yoga practice. I was doing very very simple stretches on Monday morning, and it was an amazing feeling that left me with a profound sense of peace and lightness. I merely shifted my focus from the bending and stretching of the muscles and physical body parts to the bending and stretching of the invisible body (which had quite a firm presence as a connected and single energy field in the shape of my physical body). I loved this experience, and maybe it is something that many of you might already be experiencing, but for me it was the first time, although I have been doing yoga for 15 years now. So I really really wanted to share the experience and encourage you to try to combine inner body awareness as a single field of energy with your yoga or physical exercise. It filled me with an extremely deep sense of peace and well being.
The second experience I’m going to narrate occurred in the early hours of this morning. I had a very vivid dream and in my dream I was interacting with a past lover. Now just the thought of this person, lets call him M, usually has a very intense effect on me although the last time I met him was in 2001, almost 10 years ago. It’s quite a an intense romantic drama that we have shared, and in the 5 years or so that we knew each other, we have never met even once without the encounter bursting into flames of passion (sometimes love and many other times anger, misunderstandings or even mild forms of violence). Just the intensity of being in each other’s presence was too much for either of us, and I have never been able to understand what would possess us or transform us thus, and why we could never hold on to the loving part of the relationship alone. We never formally proclaimed ourselves to be lovers, (we kept breaking up and then landing up dating again and then fighting), and it was a blurred but romantically intense dance of two big egos that could just not resist each. Eventually he dumped me and I was badly scarred by the episode, but of course I recovered :-). I stopped trying to make sense of the whole thing quite some years ago and each of us have moved on with our lives, so to say, and we have not been in touch at all. He has been making occasional appearances in my dreams, but it’s just one of those things that I have stopped trying to make sense of or thing about.

Anyway, in my last night’s dream this guy was there sitting next to me in a social gathering and after a bit of cat and mouse game of looking at and avoiding each other we finally sat next to each other and he held me in my embrace. The sparks flew, the starts twinkled, all life came alive and then he suddenly withdrew without reason (as he often used to do earlier as well). I was shocked and I plunged deep into a state of rejection and feeling stupid, all rolled into one, and then I suddenly awoke. Initially the emotional pain was unbearable, it was both wonderfully pleasurable (because of the feeling of being in his embrace again that I was still acutely aware of, but also intensely painful because of the ’rejection’ and being pushed away. Without my own realizing it I slipped into my inner body awareness (I think I did this because I have made such a regular habit of it), and WOW! My inner body felt intensely ALIVE and VIBRANT! There was no pain, no so called ‘pleasure’ either but just an infinite sense of joy and aliveness. My inner body was so so so alive that it was kicking and bursting with LIFE and I was just mesmerized at witnessing the grandeur of the feeling. I was acutely aware of being in a state of bliss with no strings and no questions attached, and being very INTENSELY ALIVE. Then a first thought came to my mind, and I literally witnessed how the moment my awareness shifted to my mind, the joy decreased and the emotional pain started to take over,….I felt like bursting out in tears, but before I actually started crying I pulled back my awareness to the single field of energy in my inner body. Emotional pain disappeared! –like magic, just like pressing a button. No tears,…..then another thought arose and before the thought even took complete shape, the emotional pain started….again close to tears…….again I pulled back the awareness to the inner body and the vibrant state of being alive came back, pain disappeared, no tears,….just the INTENSE aliveness. This oscillation happened (or I made it happen) 3 or 4 times till I was giggling inside with delight at the discovery of this amazing activity. Then I decided to ease myself out of it, and I took some deep breaths, shook myself out, and got out of bed.

The similarities in the two experiences are amazing,…how one activity that I normally find very calming and enjoyable was made infinitely more impactful by shifting to inner body awareness, and how another emotionally charged episode (such dreams usually leave me sobbing like a crazy child), transformed into one of amazing learning and discovery and enjoyment. There is a catch however. A little later in the morning, and this happened on both days, I sensed a more active pain body, and more frequent risings of negative mental chatter and irritation in myself triggered by various seemingly unrelated things. The good side to this catch however was that on both mornings I was pretty deft at catching these risings of negativity and irritation and nip them in the bud, simple by re-shifting to inner body awareness, and when that didn’t work, by sending a desperate prayer out to my source. The latter always works :-). So I sense that it is a path laden with tricks, and requires constant awareness, because the dysfunctions in the mind are only waiting to jump out again and again, when we land up ignoring it through inner body awareness. But it is an interesting path nevertheless and one I am thoroughly enjoying being on these days.

I do strongly recommend thought that before trying to shift into inner body awareness during intense moments, remember to remember to call out to God, or your source or the universe for help if you ever need to. It can get really tough and challenging to retain that focus on inner body when the mind is churning out its most devious reasons and tricks to throw you off rail and into a vicious cycle of fear and abandonment again.

And now a lil poem!

There was you and there was me
And there was the electrifying energy
But when I shifted within I saw
There was just a single ocean of charge

There was pleasure, there was pain
And there was passion that set us ablaze
But when I shifted within I saw
There was only bliss and infinite grace

There was connection, there was rejection
And there was a dance of hide and seek
But when I shifted within I saw
A vibrant and eternal, joyful presence.

Arise and Bloom

I looked up shyly to my source
And whispered in a hesitant voice,
“Dear God, I am ready to bloom,
I am ready to blossom out wide”

God looked at me with an amused smile
And said, ‘Why whisper girl?
I made you to bloom in all your splendour
I made you to dance and swirl!’

‘I made you to know myself through you,
I made you to shine in greatness
I made you to spread your wings and fly
I made you to soar with lightness

I made you to sing with the birds
I made to you strut with peacocks
I made you to spread your feathers and dance
And prance around on the rocks

I made you as I made the daffodils
That are bursting and blooming with glee
Why do you hesitate my precious love
Just let your wonderful self free

Let your nature shine through you
Let it awaken and bloom forth now
Let your nature flow through you
And drown all around you in love

Shake your feathers, flap your winds
It is your birthright to fly
Open out wide, my pretty flower
Your blossoming is also mine!’

Turning my inner world around

I am grateful that today I got up with disturbed energy and beliefs, because I became aware of my pain body (like Eckhart Tolle calls it), and my dysfunctional beliefs taking over, my unwanted habit patterns trying to re-establish themselves, and the unwanted flavours arising in my inner world (as Rishiji would remark). I am grateful that I stayed with this awareness and that I remembered to pick up the book, 'Power of now', and read a few paras. I am grateful I could stay with the my inner body awareness for the rest of the morning. I am grateful that because of that, I could witness with a certain level of detachment the drama's playing out in my inner and outer worlds. I am grateful that these drama's therefore did not really have the pinch and punch that they would have normally have had and that so many possible 'mini dramas' that could have sprouted in the outer world, just made a half hearted appearance in my inner world instead and then fizzled out when I did not feed them further. I am grateful for my Sun God and for the sunshine that stayed with me through the entire experience, I am grateful for the undercurrents of love that could not just help being there. I am grateful for spring in the air. I am grateful for my higher levels of awareness and sharpness and quickness in catching the arising of those dysfunctional thought patterns of, 'poor old me', 'look the world (x,y,z) is out to torture me', 'how difficult life's circumstances (and people in it) are', 'it is so and so's fault', 'it has to be somebody's fault', etc. etc. .....whew!

I am grateful that so many unwanted flavours of my inner world decided to spring a joint attack on me today, because TODAY I was prepared for it! Tee heee..i am grateful for taking a warrior attitude, and adopting a 'Hero' metaphor and asking myself, 'Is this how a Hero will react?'.........I am grateful for shaking away the possibility of being a wimpy complaining whining cat and TAKING FULL RESPONSIBILITY for how my day will unfold today! I am grateful for taking full responsibility for what the atmosphere in my inner and outer worlds will be. I am grateful for the strength of my determination, and the valour with which I have picked up my sword to thrash away these silly thought patterns which arise and to choose with faith to keep my eyes and focus fixed on the Sun instead as the image of my source shining bright for me, no matter what! I am grateful for life and I am grateful for the new warrior me. I am grateful for the realization that aggression and attack can indeed be a part of a spiritual journey, and that I can use my warrior self to cut through the web of my own dysfunctional thoughts to see the sun shining beyond, rather than to launch an ill-informed attack on equally ignorant others, harmless messengers of growth, or innocent bystanders.

I am grateful to shed the 'scholar' 'seeker' as the only metaphors to use to visualize my inner selfs unfolding on my spiritual journey. i am grateful to take on the new and wonderful, responsibility laden, metaphors of 'hero', 'warrior' and 'magician' as well!

Thank You Universe for sending so many wonderful teachers and teachings, experiences and laboratories, learning and enjoyment in the way. Oh lovely source, you are always always there when I reach out for you, and I have a feeling that you are there even when i dont bother to reach out and just how wonderful is THAT?!

Love, Light, Blessings, and Excitement at the unfolding of the dark ages into light!

To my Parents

When I look inside myself
I see both of you there
And I can sense from your presence
How deeply indeed you care

Whether you are near or far
Your life intertwines with mine
That when I have to define myself
There is no clear defining line

Together we live, together we grow
I thank you for your presence
I thank you for gracing my life
Through your loving essence

I pray that all be well with you
No matter where you go
As sparkling blessings gently descend
From the heavens onto you below

I thank you for all you are
And for all you have ever been
I thank you for all that you have done
Which I may or may not have seen
I thank you for your kind efforts
For your selfless love and care
I thank you for the light you shine
And for unconditionally being there

I thank you for knowledge and opportunities
I thank you for wisdom and advice
I thank you for hugs, I thank you for smiles
I thank you for being so nice

I thank you for love and for fun
I thank you for playful times
I thank you for wonderful holidays
I thank you for reading my rhymes

I thank you for teaching and coaching
I thank you for cajoling and pushing
I thank you for hearing and listening
I thank you for holding and comforting

I thank you now, I thank you always
I thank you from deep inside
I thank you for everything we that we share
On this vibrant and colourful ride

A Sacred Pause

Today I am grateful for this pause in my life,
This little pause that I can always take
This little pause between my breaths
The sacred space that I can ALWAYS make

For now I am grateful just to be
To be myself and demand no more
To be the peaceful centre of my world
To be the stage where I witness this show

Right now I am grateful that I am allowing
Allowing the grace to flow through me
Allowing all is to unfold as it may
As I watch like a child, full of glee.

My Source Brings Light to a Toddler Temper Tantrum

My son is nearly 3 years old, and I have been through quite a few ups and downs of parenting. One of the greatest blessings of being a parent though, has been to see how my son helps me grow in ways I would have never imagined. I am highly committed to both self development as well as parenting, and only recently have I started to realize how these two interests of mine support one another. When my son was born, my first reaction was, ‘there go my meditation sessions, my yoga practice, and my self-development group meetings and so forth.’ I resigned myself to being with him 24/7, and putting off self development in favour of being a devoted mother. I am grateful however, for a wonderful experience I had recently which reassured me that self development and parenting are not two separate roads to travel but that experiences in one can serve as wonderful triggers for learning in the other.

One morning my son started to throw a tantrum, and grew increasingly stubborn and unreasonable, demanding that I sit down and build a car with him. I did not want to give in to his request since I had explained to him how this was an activity that we could only do in the evening together. He threw himself on the floor, face red, and started crying very loudly. My mother, who also happened to be there with us at this point suggested that I just let him lie on the floor and cry for sometime, and that he would get over the tantrum by himself. I did not have the heart to do that and yet I did not want to give in to his request either, because this would re-enforce a belief that crying could get him whatever he wanted. So instead, I just cuddled him into my lap, let him keep crying and played a ho-oponopona song (a Hawaiian meditation song) to listen to. Then I tapped along on my EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) points, and just stayed present to all the flux in our energies that was shifting around. I mentally called out to my divine source and asked source energy to come and bring light into this current situation, and simultaneously I worded out aloud to my son how I was really sorry I could not build the car with him now, but how I still loved him lots anyway. The ho oponopona lyrics (which consist of four repeating phrases, ‘I’m sorry’, ‘please forgive me’, ‘I thank you’ and ‘I love you’) and the wonderful tune and music of the song helped me to say I’m sorry and genuinely mean it simultaneously maintaining a loving intention in a strong but pleasant way. I realized that from my sons perspective he could not understand why it was not possible for Mama to build the car with him now, and how he might have found that I was being stubborn and not giving in. So I genuinely apologized to him for having hurt his feelings. Slowly he calmed down, and then I started massaging his legs and feet, helping his body move some energy around and then he calmed down further and dropped off to sleep.

I loved this experience, because I knew that a potentially distraughtful moment was turned into one of learning, by just being present and consciously calling the divine source energy into the situation. When source energy comes in, there is usually more than enough to go around for everyone involved in the situation. I also felt a huge release of pent-up emotions from myself, and I realized that as much as this experience was about my son's tantrum, it was equally about my own breaking of some old energy patterns and habits. I was reclaiming power back from an energy pattern where I had locked away some of my inner power by labelling it, 'as being under the control of something outside of me'. This was a wonderful reminder to me to remember that I attract into my experiences situations and events that I can learn something from, and that parenting is a wonderful and colourful setting for spiritual learnings to unfold. Because of the purity and innocence of children and their emotions, interactions with children are ideal settings for our own limiting beliefs and energy patterns to come into light. I also realized that although some very strong emotions come into play in many parent-child interactions, the dominant emotion remains that of Love, and this makes it a particularly great and safe classroom to take on some of our own emotional baggage and deal with it effectively.

Links to some terms used:

EFT- Emotional Freedom Technique

“EFT is an emotional version of acupuncture wherein we stimulate certain meridian points by tapping on them with our fingertips. This addresses a new cause for emotional issues (unbalanced energy meridians).” - http://www.emofree.com/newcomer.htm#Newcomers

Ho oponopona – Hoʻoponopono (ho-o-pono-pono) is an ancient Hawaiian practice of reconciliation and forgiveness. A simple way of practicing it is to say silently, “I love you, I'm sorry, please forgive me, thank you”

http://www.hooponoponohelp.com/

Overcoming Fears and the Voice of Judgement

Oooohhh…I am super excited to be sharing this story with you because it is such a wonderful experience of this very tough but very enjoyable journey of coming into WHO I really AM. It is slowly but consistently becoming easier and easier for me to learn to distinguish between my higher-true selfs’s voice and my VOJ (Voice of Judgement), a term that I borrow from Michael Ray, which is driven by fear and old habit patterns that no longer serve me. In my case there is a direct link between most of my VOJ, and my parents opinions (or what I believe at least is my parents opinions), and many times when I catch the VOJ running in my head, I can almost hear it in the voice and typical word choice of my mother or father. You see, I have a very different vocabulary, and choice of words and phrases when I am speaking or writing from my own self, versus when I do so from my VOJ! J.

For many years I had been turning to my gut feel to guide me and take decisions, but it is only very recently that I am realizing that my ‘gut feel’, is as often from my fear driven VOJ as from my real intuitive self. Being regular and systematic in some of my body awareness practices (like yoga and like Eckhart Tolle’s suggestions on inner body awareness), have helped me distinguish between the accompanying vibrations in my body when my VOJ has taken over or when my higher self is in command. And this ability to distinguish based on the body vibrations is really really giving me more and more confidence as I go on in this sometimes tricky track of following my gut feel. You see, my mind very very easily fools me and it is very difficult to tease apart thoughts that come from the VOJ from the higher self. I usually follow a thumb rule that anything framed in the positive is usually from the higher self, wheras anything framed in the negative, which is driven by fear, or judgement and putting others down, doubting them etc. is driven by the VOJ. But it is very difficult for me to catch my VOJ red handed when once it has taken my mind over and I find it difficult to confront it with my mind alone. This is because my mind is so fast and clever to very quickly churn out associated arguments like, ‘oh Ramya, times are bad’, ‘all these people are frauds’, ‘you should be very careful of people who try to trick and cheat you’, ‘you are so gullible you don’t know the ways of the world’, etc….(I can hear all of them in my mother’s voice today). And then my mind starts doubting, and gets into this loop of doubt, caution, judgement, and I cant pull myself out of all these logical thought traps by the logic of my mind alone. This is why it is SO SO SO wonderful for me to have learnt to catch the VOJ on the basis of the fear like vibrations that it creates in my body. And when in doubt like today, I know I can surrender to my source, feel the bliss and joy when THAT SPECIAL CONNECTION is open, and KNOW that it is INDEED MY SOURCE I am connected to, again because of the accompanying physical vibrations of bliss in my body. There is no FEAR when my SOURCE connection is activated. ONLY BLISS.

Okay, so here is an amazing (and perhaps one of the toughest) example of how I am using this newly honed ability to distinguish between my VOJ and my higher self’s voice and take a step in a direction I truly want to.

Yesterday was a wonderful day of getting two very timely reminders on GLOG: 1) a quote “when the going gets tough, the tough gets going”, and another post which was a quote by ‘Neald Donald Walsh’ which said that God had a message and that was : “making a commitment means more than saying "I'll try." It means saying "I'm all in. I'm totally committed here. Even if the going gets rough. In fact, especially then." “Someone once said, aging puts wrinkles on the body. Quitting puts wrinkles on the soul. You will not have to think but a second to know exactly why you received this message today”.

I did think for a second and I knew I had received it in the context of a certain commitment that I had made. There is a certain spiritual group which I have been wanting to join for a long time now, the group really just celebrates life in a meaningful way,....But I have been toying with the thought for like nearly 10 years and I have made several friends with people who are part of it (asked so many questions, done a basic course, etc.), have had several chances to join in with the celebrations and service projects , but have always self-sabotaged myself...with skeptic like thoughts .....and so till today I haven’t really joined this wonderful community in any of their events or activities.

Last week I consciously released some of my limiting beliefs that were keeping me from joining this group when I was doing my yoga, and when I came out I immediately ran into a person I had met just once before, who invited out of the blue me to a celebration of a series of events that this group is holding very close to my house. I knew it to be a sure sign from the universe - and then I toyed with my source asking for more and more proof… and I kept getting them, almost like a game. Silly of me, but here’s how skeptic I tend to be sometimes. J . This is what I wrote to myself that day, “I'm utterly intoxicated and dizzy with joy today! I've had a wonderful experience of loving communion with my source and I have had a huge miracle that can only be divine intervention because i was so naughty I kept asking for signs (to make sure it was not a series of coincidences), and the signs kept coming. I was being really naughty because I think I was pushing the button by insisting on proof,...but I think God/source/universe does also get into a playful mood and play along sometimes....and so I got all my proofs ! ....What absolute fun! More details later....I'm too giddy to write very sensibly you see”.

So I then shyly signed up for a very small part of the celebration…..(note how one part of me is really trying to hold me back). I had been feeling a bit of resistance and fear etc. rising every now and then since I signed up, and I knew yesterday, as I wrote to Debbie, that THIS is the COMMITMENT GOD is asking me to SHOW. The mini-event I have signed up for is on three evenings, starting today , and my soul is flying to go, but there is also a fear and resistance from the old me. I KNEW why I received this, and I knew the commitment GOD was asking me to make this time. Just SHOW UP for the event without making excuses J.

When I reached home yesterday, my mother started saying, ‘do you have to go for this for three evenings,.. and she started listing reasons to keep me back including childcare related, emotional and judgemental reasons and she got my father to back her too,… and I was about to get trapped into reacting and then I suddenly saw it!. I saw this as EXACTLY what it was…it was the obstacle (lined up perhaps by my own VOJ), but I had to go past this one and stick with my commitment. So rather than react emotionally back, I just calmly said, ‘I have signed up, and now I have to do this’. Lets see how I can work around these things you mention. I was so so amazed at the way I reacted. It was almost like a new me! The old me would have got into the drama, and built it up with thoughts like, ‘oh no! Mummy always does this’ or argued back into the logics of the reasons she was offering for me not to go, or accusing her etc.. (a one line context to my parents reaction is that they have always been wary and uncomfortable about my getting involved in anything spiritual). Indeed, this time, in a matter of fact way, without even slightly getting into a conflict mode, I lined up additional resources and made a few arrangements to show that I could address the concerns she had raised without needing to cancel my plan. Wow! I was SO SO SO SO impressed with myself, with the calmness with which I dealt with the situation, and with the ease with which the alternate arrangements fell into place. The amazing thing is that the moment I faced the situation squarely, all the pain around the issue just disappeared. My mother and fathers resistance and arguments just collapsed like a pack of cards and they were pretty normal and even cheerful after that. Nobody spoke about it anymore and all the impact had gone out of the bomb like it had never occurred. It only perhaps stays on in my memory now, but I hold on to it as a trophy of having come into my own and let my true presence gently assert the truth of who I am and what I want to do.

That was yesterday evenings victory! Today morning my VOJ started a new course,…..nervousness, anxiety, judgment etc. You’re not going to believe it but as I was taking my son to school in the morning, my thoughts kept going in strange ways and I had thoughts like, ‘Why do they have to charge xxx for the session’? ‘is it going to be worth it?’, ‘Do the proceeds really go to charity’, ‘Do the organizers get to attend for free’. …etc. etc. My mind was on a roll! But luckily, the air was so fresh and the spring flowers along the path so innocently alive, that like a flash I caught myself again! All these things were NONE OF MY BUSINESS! These concerns had nothing to do with why I had signed up to go and so why think about them now. I had been told what the price was, I had been more than willing to pay that much for a certain experience I wanted to be part of and it was JUST THAT! All these other tangential thoughts were my VOJ at play again! J

I got to school, searched for the directions to the venue hotel and there my VOJ took off again! ‘Why organize in such an expensive hotel’, ‘I feel out of place in grand places’, ‘oh my dress is’nt correct’, etc. etc.. I was so off my composure, and so annoyed at myself for having signed up, so starting to expect that it will be mismanaged, that I will be disappointed and then my parents will say, ‘we told you so’, etc. etc. Wheeew! Caught myself at it again. I don’t want to labour on the nervousness and fear and irritation I was feeling because I don’t want to focus on them again. I told myself it was absurd to be against some group because of the choice of a particular venue,… etc. etc….and I caught my judgment tones, and did some EFT tapping on myself. Then I did a quick breathing pranayama to connect with my source and once the connection came through, All the fear dissolved! The big picture came alive, the role of my VOJ (which I am writing to you about) became obvious and I realized how it was my tuning into my bodily vibrations that had helped me catch some of these moments. I also felt a need to cut the etheric cords of fear and judgement that were connecting me to each of my parents at this point in time and so I did this. (It’s a very simple process to do. I just closed my eyes and visualized energy cords that were connecting me to my mother and I covered both myself and her with white light and then used an imaginary scissors to cut the cord. Then I released her to her own light and sent her more love and light. I repeated the same process with my father). Doing this, I felt a huge surge of relief and release and for now my VOJ has been driven away! J. I gave thanks to the divine grace that equipped me in advance to deal with the mammoth churning out of old beliefs and judgements that is happening today. I also realized that I don’t even need to worry if my evening is going to be worth it or not anymore because I have already grown so much and learned so much and come into my own so much further as a result of having signed up and then watching my VOJ try to sabotage it! What a marvellous experience.

There was another ‘coming into my own’ incident that happened on Saturday which I think is also a part-consequence of having signed up for this event. Very very impulsively, on Saturday evening, I suddenly told everyone to sit on the sofa in the living room and cleared some area to be an improvised stage and I said there was going to be a dance performance in 10 minutes for the whole family. I have never done this before and I had no idea what got into me and what I planned to perform. I didn’t even give them an option of whether to watch or not, I just said it like an order. I had no idea what I was going to do! My son promptly ran and sat on the sofa and said, ‘I’m ready mama’, and so with quizzical looks on their faces everyone followed suit. My husband tried to make light asking me what they should drink as they watched the dance, and I just said, ‘drink whatever you want’, but the dance is dedicated to the Divine! Till I said that I didn’t even know this was going to be a spiritual thing. Then I quickly improvised a lively costume in less than 2 minutes (something I don’t normally wear but which speaks my personality’)and my mother even came to help me and she churned out a matching flower accessory with some ribbon for my hair. Then I played a soft ‘bhajan’ ‘devotional song’ on youtube, dimmed the lights and danced my heart out. I was so shy (I am very shy to show my feminine side in front of my father), I kept my eyes almost closed, but it was the most wonderful experience ever. I often dance alone, and have danced on stage even in my youth, but this was different. I felt like I was making a statement about myself and my interests and my being, and I was doing this in my HOME, in MY way, and to my Father and Husband and Mother. I could not finish the dance because my son got restless and wanted me back in my normal clothes, and I yielded,….quickly abandoning the whole magical setup and becoming the ‘normal me’. However, I had danced for almost five minutes and I felt like I made a more powerful statement in those five minutes to my family, that I have done all my life. I realize on hindsight that I had been feeling a need to somehow bring my family to see me as who I am and to share with them my most passionate interest in life, which is to commune and play with the divine, and so I did it this way. My father sat through the dance silent and after it finished he just went about normally pretending nothing had happened. My mother said it reminded her of when I was a little girl and she liked it. My husband said nothing until I asked, and then said a one word, ‘nice’. I didn’t ask my father and he didn’t say anything but I believe the silent statement has been made on my part and that this has moved me into a new level of confidence with coming into my own and expressing the essence of WHO I AM!

Whew! long post….., but I am loving it that I can share this journey with you lovely people everyday as it is unfolding! I feel like I am doing this with all of you as my witnesses! Makes me that much more determined to do it in my best Avatar! Do pray for me and Wish me the very best for the event I will attend today! I know it will be great fun, I know I will love it. I also know my VOJ (voice of judgement) will make an attempt or two to raise its head again, but I am alert and aware…….and I know the trick! – just slip into body awareness and the imposter thoughts and imposter intuitions can be easily caught! J

Tons of love

Acknowledging, sharing our best moments

I learnt something very interesting today. I think I understood why it is so beneficial to take the time and effort out to share and acknowledge our ‘moments of flow’, ‘our successes’, and ‘the times we can connect with our sources’ etc. I am reading a book called ‘The highest goal’ by Michael Ray, and I just came across his wonderful reflection on this, and he calls it one of the core discoveries he has made in his creativity studies (p. 40) :

“You can consistently live from your highest goal by simply paying attention to the times when you are connected to it”. …..”Every time you pay attention to your own creative acts…you increase the probability that you’ll live from your inner creativity in future situations. It is analogous to what sports psychologists call ‘muscle memory’. When you watch a videotape of your own or someone elses perfect performance, you increase your ability in ways that are equivalent to hours of practice in which every move you make is perfect. That’s the beneficial cycle I’m suggesting. When you act from the highest goal and acknowledge and celebrate your breakthroughs, you develop more strength for dealing with new challenges. Keep doing this and you are developing your path.”

This has been an amazing insight for me. Yes now it makes sense from the ‘law of attraction perspective as well’. Its just that somehow a lot of us have been programmed to think that’s its vain or showy to talk about our ‘successes’ and ‘wonderful experiences’. At least that’s how my mind used to be programmed. When I started sharing my experiences on GLOG I was so uncomfortable of appearing like a show off or someone showcasing her experiences…etc. I could only do it because (1) my source kept nudging me to in ways that I could not pretend not to hear anymore, and (2) I did it anonymously so at some level I was okay if I appeared vain !:-)….surprise surprise…….! I only got back more and more love from all of you and I only saw my creative moments and flow experiences increase and expand! 

THANK YOU UNIVERSE….NOW I WANT TO HELP EVERYONE KNOW THIS TRUTH …..
…It IS OKAY TO SHARE YOUR GREAT EXPERIENCES…….IN FACT YOU HONOUR YOUR SOURCE WHEN YOU DO THAT! :-)..Why did I every believe otherwise?.......

My Wonderful World

Today I saw my wiggly toes
And the beautiful arches of my feet
And how they synchronized with several muscles
To make me stand up from my seat

If this orchestration is natural
Then nature is a miracle for sure
And I am part of this marvellous miracle
A gorgeous creation, perfect and pure

I saw a bird glide on its wings
I thought how well it sometimes sings
I saw a tree stand strong and tall
I saw delicate moss growing on a wall

I thought of how I sometimes walk
Right through life without seeing it all
How big and wonderful my world could be
Unless I chose to imagine it small!

Joy in the NOW

I am grateful for the sunshine, the lovely morning at home, Mummy Daddy's love, Siddharth, the friendly porter, the duck pics on the bus stand, the Awesome people in Siddharths nursery and the great garden he gets to play in, the breathtakingly beautiful flowers I spotted while walking, For running into Andy just out of the blue, for the great bus ride, for my wonderful school, for the skip in my steps, for the light in my heart, for the twinkle in my eyes that makes everything look wonderfull... and for the great ZEN quote I read this morning which says, "What, if anything is lacking in the present moment?"....And the answer I feel - nothing -nothing-....absolutely nothing!....

The mountains I desired were inside of me,
The free flowing rivers are inside of me

For years I chased a golden experience that I had for the first time as I lay on a rock in the Himalayas by the side of a fast flowing assi-ganga stream, looking up at the twinkling stars!

For a long long time I wanted to re-live that experience, linking it first to the Himalayas itself and wanting to go back there, then linking it to nature, and wanting to be in nature all the time, and now after almost 20 years I have re-found that experience and I feel that bliss and joy and contentment NOW,.. and it need be linked to nothing that is outside of me although it matters not what I link to; for when I am living this wonderful experience all that I bring into it only shares and becomes a part of the wonderful experience.

A Vision of My Magnificence

Today at the end of my yoga session the picture that came intuitively was all of natures wonderful magnanimity, the great mountains, the delicate flowers, fast flowing gorgeous rivers, red and orange volcanoes bursting forth with energy, the mighty oceans and its colourful life-forms, the grandeur of every single tree… and I got a message, ‘this is the splendour of the universe, the beauty, the grandness, the power , the magnanimity, the generosity! And I got a feeling that this was me – this was the power and beauty of my source its capabilities, and so it was my power and grandeur and capabilities as well. All this power and creativity and capacity and more was within me. I was the only one preventing myself from realizing this poer and grandeur. Because of this nothing was possible, no dream was too big, anything I could imagine or conceive of was possible,…….it was a divine dance and game and art….i could do anything I wanted in beauty and grace… and I felt this connection again when I said, ‘ppornamadam shloka ( a shloka which confirms the wholeness of the universe)’ at the end…. That this grandeur of nature, of mankind, of all creation was IT! The source, and within me was the source too, and no matter what you took from where and put it where… the completeness and magnanimity of the source remained in its maximum splendour and IT ALWAYS WILL!
Om!
Love …
Ramya